I’m currently on nofap for like 2 weeks since my last relapse. I’m struggling currently, as my sex drive is returning to me after my pills were changed from clotiapine to risperidone which affect my sex drive amount less. for the time between april 2022 to march 2023 I was on complete nofap livin like a monk.

now I am struggling again and whenevr I am met by the yetzer hara, I chant psalm 51:

GRANT ME WITH A CLEAN HEART, O GOD, AND RENEW A TRUE SPIRIT WITHIN ME,
don’t throw me away from you, and don’t withdraw your holy spirit from my reach,
GIVE ME BACK YOUR THE BLISS OF YOUR SALVATION (yesha/yeshua), AND ENTRUST ME WITH A SPIRIT FILLED WITH GRACE,
I will teach the wicked of your ways, and all the sins WILL GO BACK TO YOU.

the zoha”k in parashat vayeshev interprets this mizmor in this way:

“and renew a true spirit within me”, this is [...] as said: “and the spirit of God is hovering over the waters.” and AWAKEN: this is the RUACH of MASHIACH.

AWAKEN, and I will instill a NEW ruach within you.
[...]
what is NEW? it is none other than the renewal of the moon.. as the MOON is RENEWED, david the king of Israel becomes ALIVE AND REAL, and for this also NEW.

hence. God instills a novel breath into my nosetrils he renews my neshama and brings me to be created again all anew. and whenever I’m reciting this mizmor I am feelin ecstatic I feel the true sehnen to be renewed and made anew. my life feels novel it feels like I haven’t lived such a life before everything gets filled with hope again. and all of a sudden I forget about ejaculations and semen and cumming.

I feel awakened and resurrected through and by the light NEHORA of the HOLY KING and his RUACH of KODESH the ChaBa”D of ETERNAL LIFE AND SHORESH HAPLEROMA.

just like the moon is fulfilled each month and reaches into a climax of life and rebirth I am renewed again in each moment. God instills a new breath, spirit and heartbeat onto creation unceasingly. the reaching-into-fullness of man like the moon is the focus of liturgy. to be renewed and made anew together with malchut david together with humanity and with the world. from this feeling of so much essence and so much substance and so much beauty you are made together with God alive. the unceasing resurrection of christ and his presence in his human in our bodies and in our loved ones will give our neshama an ever-unique shape which is unrepeatable and beautiful. this the light of emet. amen